How to Come up with a Doujinshi on the Verge of Its Deadline

Kasumi Utako

“And that is why we will go with a Saekano book at this Comiket SP!”

“Excuse me, but Eriri, I don’t understand what led you to that conclusion at all.”

It took place during the latter part of noon, halfway through March.

A group of otaku gathered here, in a certain mansion, neither turning their eyes towards the outdoors, glittering under the sunlight of this splendorous spring, nor heading to Anime Japan.

“Fundraising for circle activities! Pressing the game discs and production don’t come free, right? Besides, I want to go scout out locations again in next autumn…”

“B-But by the time spring comes for the second time for our circle, Eriri and Utaha-senpai will…”

“Stop it with the material from the books that will alienate those who are here from the anime!”

It was the loser who barked out those mindless remarks all by her lonely self: Sawamura Spencer Eriri.

She was the privileged girl who resided in this mansion, had both Japanese and English ancestry as obvious from the color of her hair, tied in twintails, and was a loser. (this part is important, so mentioning it twice is—you get the point)

“Erm, to sum it up, you’re suggesting to use ourselves as fodder to quickly earn the money we need?”

“That’s right, got a problem?”

“…I believe that isn’t something that can be decided by me, but by those at Fujimi and Aniplex, though.”

“A-Anyway, this is the time to rake it in, right after the anime ended!”

“Ah~, that’s true. I guess everyone would’ve their minds on the new anime by the time NatsuKomi comes around and we would’ve been long forgotten.”

And it was the black-hearted one who spewed those venomous lines with a subdued expression: Katou Megumi.

She was a (provisional) close friend of Eriri, had enough of a temperamental personality to induce temporal discord when it came to descriptions of her current hairstyle, and she was black-hearted. (this part is—you get it)

“I’m sorry, Kasumigaoka-senpai, but while I believe you have the freedom to write what you want, please refrain from murmuring it out as a monologue when doing so.”

For some reason, Megumi engaged the mere minutes taker there, with eyes devoid of the light of life.

However, that action could be described only as irrational. After all, I did no more than record the minutes… yes, I was an existence akin to a pebble on the sidewalk, on par with umpires in baseball games or original authors of works adapted to anime.

“…If so, I hope you can stop talking out loud so conspicuously with those terrible lines.”

“Then, Eriri, what kind of book are we making? How exactly can we help?”

“Well, not like we have much time, so maybe an art book instead of manga this time? Also, since we have to consider all of those particular parties, so we’ll keep it all-ages along the lines of ‘just a little lewd’.”

“…In that case, I suppose there won’t be the cliché development where you ask me to be your model and forces me to strip-”

“Listen here, Megumi, I’ll be the one troubled with some offhand reaction from you like ‘Ah~ Okay, I got it, you’re going to make me strip either way, aren’t you?’, then. I mean, without a facial expression filled with despair going ‘I’ve been dirtied… I’m sorry, Aki-kun, I’m so sorry.’ when you’re forced to strip, there’s no way you’ll have an impact on the reader’s nether regions… no, hearts, correct?”

“Erm, weren’t you saying something about all-ages earlier?”

 
“Right, first, how about you choose a pose, Megumi? A seductive pose that’ll get the men’s hearts racing and the women wanting to spit on you while clicking their tongues!”

“Ermm, putting that extremely discriminatory description aside, I don’t have any confidence I can do that.”

“You can, probably! You’ve had the main-heroine-ness hammered into you by now!”

On a side note, Megumi currently worn… or rather, was made to wear the outfit from the time she “had the main-heroine-ness hammered into her”.

A white one piece dress that inspired a fluttery, faintly gentle air.

A red cardigan to accent the overall impression of white.

Knee high socks measured to a perfect, exacting length for zettai ryouiki.

And not to forget that beret sitting neatly on her head… yes, the item that would serve as convenient censorship when the time calls for it.

“Like I’d said, Kasumigaoka-senpai, could you please not ruin the hat I like with such a vulgar description?”

 
“…What’s with that half-assed ‘I guess showing panties would be enough?’ pose and level of exposure?!”

“E-Eeh~?”

While she was against it, dragging her feet up until she actually began, Megumi took a proactive, cooperative stance as usual
once the “for the sake of the circle” argument was brought in.

It appeared the girl had her own bit of fondness for this dingy otaku circle, and with all things said and done, she might have actually been the one to pay the most attention and care to the circle.

“You don’t understand a thing about non-nude erotism, believing even for a moment that I, no, the readers would be satisfied with just letting what’s under your skirt peek out!”

“I am well aware I don’t understand, but it’s not like I want to understand either.”

That said, her efforts were inconspicuous and hardly rewarded…

“You listening? Megumi, regardless of the immense demand for non-nude erotism in the world, don’t forget there is but only a handful of fanatics seeking out even photo compositions without even a peek of underwear, as survey results have shown!”

“Before you forget again, I’d said that I didn’t want to understand. Also, who conducted that survey?”

Eriri urged Megumi on to further heights of exposure even as she flaunted her personal inclinations reeking of cigarette smoke like some old geezer addicted to adult videos.

“Let’s see, first, we’ll have you take that one piece dress half off, with your bra visible. Next, having on both of those knee socks is just crude. Let’s strip off one and have them enjoy a composition with one naked leg and one covered in a knee sock?”

“…I’m not changing into a coordination halfway through everything like that.”

“Look, Megumi? What we want, here and now, isn’t the life of a girl grounded in reality. We’re looking for 2D ideals, like those in anime, games, light novels, and…”

“Aah~ geez. Okay, I get it. I just have to do it, don’t I, either way?”

“Come on, Megumi! That’s exactly the sort of offhand attitude that’s just rude to all the readers, so…”

“Kyaaa~ w-what are you looking at, you pervert~ (deadpan)”

“And stop it with those irrelevant lines that don’t even have motivation and moe in them!”

 
“Whew, guess this layout and composition will do for now.”

“U-Umm~ I have to say even I’m at my limit now, keeping up this embarassing pose and showing this much.”

For any wondering about the exact pose this time, do refer to the illustration instead…

Having found a compromise with Megumi at last, Eriri sped towards completing her sketch with her usual efficiency.

“Just a little longer, all that’s left is the setting… hmph, hey, Kasumigaoka Utaha.”

With her sketch nearing completion, Eriri called out to the mere minutes taker by Megumi’s side.

“How about you think up of a monologue for Megumi to go with this illustration?”

And she asked for the unreasonable from the mere minutes taker.

However, the book this time was solely under the name of her personal circle, so a mere minutes taker had no reason to…

“Look, it’s for the circle, our circle! You aren’t going to shift the money issues all to Megumi and me, and not contribute anything yourself, are you?”

…And thus, Eriri disregarded the circle’s representative, who should have been in charge of gathering funds, and puffed out her chest as though she was taking it all on within that dismal bosom of hers.

What was with the pitiful deadbeat enabler mental state of that girl?

In the first place, such “women who provide for men even when not asked to” were treated as convenient only at the start, and regarded with annoyance, dread, and disgust later: objects to be avoided and fled from; it led to no more than a forsaken end of despondency for both parties.

“You’re the last person I want to hear that from, Kasumigaoka Utahaa!”

E-Eh~?

How did the two of us end up like this, I wonder?

No, hold on, I didn’t think we would come this far…

I mean, you see, it won’t be good if we were to go any further than this, will it? In all sorts of ways?

It’ll be different. We won’t be able to stay as we are now, will we?

We won’t stay as friends, will we?

…

Ah~ But still.

I guess that’s okay.

Whether we can, or we can’t.

I guess I won’t mind either way.

 
…Kh.

“…Kh”

“…W-Waa~”

The monologue, written by someone who happened to not be Megumi, gathered reactions as it streamed from her mouth with neither alike, but to each his own… or rather, her own.

It simply didn’t sit well with me…

“H-Hey, maybe we really shouldn’t leave this in the book? It’s, just, too…”

“…What are you saying? How could we leave it out?”

Would you just take a look at the devastation caused by those submissive words, edging narrowly on giving in, from Megumi’s mouth alongside that wry smile…

S-Still, this would…

“We were the ones who devised this heroine… it should’ve been our achievement, and yet…”

And yet, it was simply unacceptable how this girl had leapt up to 1st place on the anime’s popularity rankings…

“Umm, could the both of you really stop talking out loud in front of the person in question?”

“Alright, I’m~up! Do me next, then~!”

And so, the shameless, thoughtless, and tasteless girl, who was rowdily plucking away at her guitar in a corner of the room since earlier, pushed Megumi aside and ascended the stage… no, the bed.

“Look, Hyoudou-san, didn’t I tell Megumi earlier? The essentials in pin-ups are 2D ideals. No one needs an Akkarin… no, absentminded personality like yours!”

Indeed, that girl was named Hyoudou Michiru, a newcomer to the circle, the one filling in the relatively inconsequential role of music, and as far as standings went, she had to resign to be no more than a sub-heroine…

“…Katou-chan said this earlier, too, senpai, but how about you stop muttering at that volume we can just barely hear like some vengeful spirit?”

 
“Seriously, stop stripping out of the blue~!”

“Eeh, weren’t we going for the whole sexy angle?”

Thus, Thoughtless Michiru met our expectations in betraying our hopes, laying her hands on her tank top in preparation to yank it off far too casually.

“I explained it over and over again earlier! We aren’t issued any nipples privileges here, alright?!”

“Oh c’mon, you can just draw them on first, and hide them with a marker there if they say it’s a no-go, can’t you?”

“Knock it offffff, Hyoudou Michiru! Do you claim to know just how many people you’ve to apologize to, just how many people you’ll get marked as a target by, and how just how many chances for sales you’ll miss getting to that stage?!”

Eriri shivered, envisioning that moment as through she had experienced… no, seen it herself.

“Besides, we’ll have to fix that exhibitionist streak you’ve going there before we can get anywhere.”

“Calling it an exhibitionist streak’s horrible~ it’s nothing more than a healthy allure~”

“You don’t get it, you don’t get it at all, Hyoudou-san!”

“You sound like Tomo there, Sawamura-chan.”

“The ‘healthy allure’ 2D otaku speak of doesn’t mean you actually ‘go nude’ like you’re thinking. It’s an erotism that you would unconsciously exude.”

Eriri talked on passionately, fully letting her inner geezer loose since earlier.

Truly, the very tone Morals-kun would take… the circle’s representative.

However, he would never talk so ardently about lewd depictions as the girl was now doing.

He would consistently keep within the all-ages boundaries, focusing solely on wholesome and emotional bonds, like one suffering from erectile dysfunction.

Honestly, if he could only be aroused like Eriri was now, even partly, it wouldn’t have been odd at all for him to have triggered some happy incident with me… no, a female more advanced in age, would it…?!

“You stop getting all fired up over something weird all by yourself and think up of a monologue too!”

It would be best to not throw things (an eraser) at the pebble-on-the-sidewalk minutes taker.

“Well, then, Sawamura-chan, what situation do you have in mind?”

“Let’s see… first, your appeal point’s in your underboob, isn’t it?”

“Underboob…?”

“Yep, those bulges visible not from above that tank top or from the sides, but peeking out from below… that’s where your moe point lies: neither audaciously exposed nor purposely hidden, healthy yet unconscious, and somewhat embarrassing if anyone points it out!”

“Eughh…”

Without any anxiety over how she was distinctly in third place between the main three on the current heroine popularity votes, Eriri flaunted her usual geezer-like beliefs.

Truly, if only she could think of those forced into accompanying her greasy sensibilities.

Aa~ah.

So here we are at last, huh?

You know, right? That you are pushing me down?

And what’s coming next?

Wait, why are you freezing up now of all times?

There are only two choices to take, now that we’ve come this far.

…To go in hard and fast, or to take things slow, that is.

Hey? Why don’t you stick your hand in from there?

I mean, it’s not like I’m very used to it either.

Eh? Aah~ I don’t mean it like that. There wasn’t anyone else for me.

C’mon, didn’t we do something close enough to this back when we were kids…

 
“Aaaaaaaah, stop-it, stop-it, stop it, stoppppppp~!”

“Woahh, what’s up, Sawamura-chan?! Even I thought that was going pretty well there~!”

“No, no, no, nooo! No talking about back-when-we-were-kids or long-ago or anything like that~!”

Sawamura Spencer Eriri: the girl constantly launching boomerangs in all directions that would return to bite her.

What would remain at the very end of her hysteria? (answer: an unpopular heroine)

“Now, well, let’s go on to the next…”

Michiru’s sketch was finally completed by shaky hands belonging to Eriri, whose emotions did not settle down even as the modeling did, and everyone took a break, enjoying the relaxed downtime…

And now, at least, Eriri stood up as though she’d calmed her nerves.

“This will be the toughest, in a sense. Gotta prepare myself.”

Yes, the next model would be like none before.

As Eriri had mentioned, it would be the toughest for today, and the weakest link.

After all, the next model had no breasts, no figure, no heart, and was plentiful only in her monetary assets: an aggregation of negative aspects, Sawamura Spencer Eriri…

“Come on, get ready. You fat, ugly, dark… lowest-of-the-low heroine, with nothing praiseworthy aside from how sheer your stockings are, Kasumigaoka Utaha…”

…

“…”

…What.

“What what. Hurry up and prepare.”

Eriri jerked her chin with her warped nature on full display upon her face.

She appeared truly unseemly with her heart exposed, provoking even scientific curiosity as an example of how the genes inherited from those parents could be wasted so terribly.

Rather, you get up there, Sawamura-san.

“I said we had no time, right? Like we would’ve the time to let me model.”

Who would frankly be satisfied with you playing off your lack of preparation with that excuse? Wipe your own ass. You’re about the ass, anyway.

“Wh-! You hadn’t been of any real use since you started that minutes taker crap that made no sense earlier, so take that gaudy body that comes in useful only at times like this and contribute to the circle!”

Oh, what? So in the end, you couldn’t have sold your books without depending on my mature charm? How about you try raising your sales without my help for once?

“There’s a limit to being mistaken… You’re nothing more than something that came extra with the stockings. No more than the pigment of skin to be obscured within the stockings!”

You’re really stinking like some geezer today, don’t you?!

“Yeah, I’m not pulling any punches now! Now, what’s your order of black stockings, Kasumigaoka Utaha? On? Half off? Or perhaps all off?”

Who were you, Misaki Kurehito?

“…That’s right, let’s take the chance and do that thing we hadn’t tried yet on a dakimakura and a tapestry for buying the full set.”

Don’t tell me, by that, you…

“Yes! The taboo torn pantyhose! We’ll show each and every fiber, from a distance never tried before, as they bite voluptuously into the butt through the gaps…”

What was that, Maruto Fumiaki‘s delusion?

“Who cares about that! Now behave and let your pantyhose get ripped, Kasumigaoka Utaha!”

Putting aside how utterly far from behaving that conduct was, you’re the one who should be behaving here, Sawamura-san…

“What, you planning on going against me…?”

If you’re expecting originality from others, how about breaking new ground yourself first? Wouldn’t that be the way of a creator?

“Who’s even talking about creating here?!”

But, you see, you’ve been going on about stripping stockings half off, exposing butts, or handbra, without any restraint; that was why you’re finding it hard to get new material. Looks like it wasn’t helping your popularity rating either, though.

“Sure it was, things were on fire back during my birthday just the other day!”

All that was left was… yes, how about going nude on the bed and hiding those non-existent breasts while keeping your head down? That wouldn’t be bad as a morning-after situation, would it?

“Listen when people talk, Kasumigaoka Utahaa!”

 
“…Hey, Katou-chan.”

“Nn~ what is it, Hyoudou-san?”

“Nah, how about you stop messing with your phone… so, what do we do about this?”

“Yeah, won’t it be fine just settling both of them together? If we just take some photos, Eriri will do something with them.”

“Well, true, we can do that with them tearing each other’s clothes and pantyhose off while they fight… but still, what about their monologues? The minutes taker person stopped taking them and all.”

“It’s okay, we can’t do anything with regards to that, so let’s take some lines that fit from this galge lying around?”

“…You’re surprisingly pretty rash, yourself, Katou-chan.”

…What’s the matter? Stiffening up like that.

What is it now, getting cold feet after seeing what you’ve gotten into?

Fufu, after all you’ve done… I suppose that is how you are like.

…

Sure, go on. Give up here, I won’t mind.

After all, I’m confident.

No, not in how your feelings won’t change.

It concerns me, and no one else.

I will wait for you, forever if needed.

No matter when, no matter where.

I’ll always love you…

Though, even after saying so, there’s nothing I hope for more than you taking me now, understand?

Finally, huh?

It took us over ten years to come this far, didn’t it?

Eh? Ah, I mean, it’s not like I thought I wanted it to turn out like this right after we met…

…Fufu, that goes without saying.

See, we met back in our first year of elementary school.

We went through a lot. We cried a lot.

We were even apart for a while.

Also, also… s-sniff, fueehh…

S-Sorry, I’m so sorryy.

I’ve, always, been so, I-I’m s-sorryyy…

You were the only one… and yet I-I still…

Ueeehh- t-thank… thank y… fueeeee~

“…Haa.”

…Whew.

“Welcome back~ you both~”

“Man~ you were really stuck on each other, huh? Go on and get married already.”

“Did you think this would be the best scene to use that line on…?”

Eriri wobbled off the bed, utterly burnt out.

And I… the minutes taker, too, brought her body, which should have been a pebble on the sidewalk, off the bed.

“Anyways, if we’re done deciding on the directions that the members’ illustrations will go, it’s nothing else on our way to that Comiket-whatever?”

“Well, I’m the one who has to work throughout that, though.”

Despite the languid air permeating the space, there was a sense of fulfillment in everyone’s faces as though having surpassed numerous trials.

And thus came an end to today’s queer event…

“Huh? Wait, wasn’t there still…”

“Sorry for being la~te! Homeroom just didn’t want to end!”

“…”

 
…

 
“…”

“…We called Izumi-chan, too, didn’t we.”

And so, two globes of flesh, absent on Eriri, appeared while everyone had their guards down.

“Huh? What’s up, everyone? You look pretty worn out?”

“…There she appears with stealth capabilities exceeding Megumi’s, Hashima Izumi.”

“Really, could you stop picking a fight with both Izumi and me, Eriri?”

And Eriri snarled out, as crappy or more so than usual, at her junior and rival as an illustrator who kept every part of herself concealed aside from those breasts.

Still, this one time in particular, I… no, the minutes taker shared the same opinion as Eriri.

After all, what meaning did the girl have, being neither in the same school nor a higher schooler…

“Go on, make me do anything you want! I’m a-okay with anything if it means I get to pay back senpai!”

“Kh… stop it with the meek and nice girl appeal!”

Yes, that genuine and pure attitude was what didn’t sit well with me.

“Umm, listen to me, both of you, aren’t those reactions terrible after calling her all the way here?”

“Don’t worry about it, Megumi-san. What’s more important is the pose I should be taking. Come at me, strike while the iron is hot!”

“E-Erm, then… what should we do?”

“Hmm~ well, there’s nothing to it but one showing off her loli figure and boobs, right? Like, sitting down nude with her knees up and hugging them as those boobs get squeezed in between. Ah, but keep her socks on, too.”

“…Hyoudou-san, haven’t you been quite badly infected by otaku fetishes lately?”

Senpai…? Senpai? Senpai? Senpaii?

Is something wrong? You look a little shocked.

…Eh~ oh, geez, I’ve grown into an adult since forever, you know?

S-Sure, I did feel I grew just a bit quicker than everyone else.

But I needed to, I think.

You see… you’re why I grew up, senpai.

I grew up, thinking of you, senpai.

…

Fufu, just~kidding.

Please, I couldn’t have been this perverted back when I was still so young.

Ah, but… it may grow into more than a joke from now on.

I might grow up more and more, with you, senpai…

 
“I won’t draw it! You’ll never make me!”

 
(end)

 
Memory of Lily 00

Kashiwagi Eri ☓ Kasumi Utako

 
Special TALK

Eri (below, E): Yes, and so, this time at EgoLil, we have a special guest, Kasumi Utako-sensei~! Waa, give her a round of applause! ♪

Utako (below, U): Oh, thanks. I’m Kasumi Utako.

E: Whew~ But still, progress was more terrible than always this time, you know. DCP Printing, really, thank you so much, each and every time…

U: Anyway, I still can’t believe my deadline was an entire week earlier than yours.

E: W-We had to consider the time to proofread and revise… wait, isn’t it just because you keep throwing in those dangerous bits?! Just much of it did you think was rejected because you went too far?!

U: Dangerous bits, you say? For example, are you talking about how ██-sensei from Circle ███ had to delay the September release date of his light novel because he prioritized his doujin activities at the last NatsuKomi…

U: Wa~ Wa~ WAaaa~! Wait, hold on, wait, don’t! I’m drawing for him as a guest, too, so stop adding fuel to the fire!

U: It appears you’ve somewhat filtered down the possible authors with those careless words, Kashiwagi-san, but do you not have a problem with that?

E: (looking off into the distance) A-Anyway, since it’s a Saekano book this time, it looks like the anime’s last episode’s going on air right before this book comes out and…

U: How about you stop putting on airs, Kashiwagi-san? You handed your work in only after the last episode aired, didn’t you?

E: W-W-Whaaa! Like I would do something that terri…

U: Or so you dare claim? How about I spoil the last episode, then, as proof? In the end, Morals-kun… no, the protagonist, Tomoya-kun, will go, “Our battle has only just…”.

E: Wa~ Wa~ WAaaa~! Wait, stop spoiling! I’ve only just recorded the last episode and have yet to watch it!

U: There you go, it’s currently Sunday, at… erm, what time is it?

E: Stop it already, at least spare me from having the time exposed… yeah, right, Saekano, Saekano! How was the anime, Kasumi-sensei?

U: Hmm, I can’t contribute any professional remarks with how few series I’ve watched, but honestly, I do believe the animation was done rather well.

E: I know, right?! I loved the visuals in the source material, so I honestly didn’t know how it’ll turn out when I heard it was going to be animated~

U: But I do think the visuals were adjusted nicely for an anime, the screenplay was planned out, and skill shown by the voice actors and music wrapped it all up neatly. Well, the story had nothing going for it but moe, however.

E: I know, right~? And above all else, the characters are so cute! Even if I do say so myself.

U: I’ll just ignore how you really did it.

E: S-So, Kasumi-sensei, who did you like best among the characters? I know it comes as no surprise, but I think Eriri-chan’s the…

U: Tomoya-kun.

E: …Heh?

U: Who else but Tomoya-kun, the protagonist?

E: W-Wait, Kasumi-sensei… you serious?

U: What is it? There weren’t any restrictions on it being one of the heroine, were there? If so, there is no problem with who I pick, is there?

E: Guhh… B-But, Tomoya’s, like, some shitty otaku at best, right? Look, even if you at the ‘net, he’s pretty hated all around…

U: It’s of no concern to me who others hate. I’m all in for the protagonist in Saekano. And where lies the issue with that?

E: H-Hold on… don’t get serious on me now.

U: And what is it to you, if I were to like Morals… Tomoya-kun?

E: L-Like I said, that’s… look, Tomoya can’t do anything on his own despite shouting all the time, he’s always acting big around girls, and he’s a twisted glasses otaku…

U: Oh, but he is rather adorable with his glasses off. Though I suppose you must not see it that way, however.

E: …Kh.

U: Ah~ What a relief. I’m glad my character didn’t clash with yours, Kashiwagi-san. Why don’t you go and put aside some of the time to draw an Eriri rape doujinshi? In the meanwhile, I’ll put out a steamy fanfic with…

E: Hold it, Kasumigaoka Kasumi! Don’t you dare go off course while I’m putting in all this effort selling that we have nothing to do with it!

U: And don’t you dare expose someone else’s real name, Sawamura-san!

Credits

• Authors – Kashiwagi Eri & Kasumi Utako
• Assistants – Maruto Fumiaki, Misaki Kurehito, Kuroya Shinobu, Yamashita Tomoki
• Printing – DCP Printing